Ichimatsu Exposed 2016
by spoonguy
Summary: Ichimatsu suffers as he rivals with his brothers and himself in an effort to understand why he hates everybody, especially the ever-painful Karamatsu.


Along with five loud, overlapping voices, five pairs of legs flashed out the door and the room was left to me alone.

I rolled over on the couch and held my stomach. It was bloated and sick inside. Probably a stupid virus. I closed my eyes. I pictured Jyushimatsu's beaming face shadowed above me like it had been a few seconds ago. " _Are you sure you'll be okay here by yourself?"_

Who was he kidding? I loved to be alone and he knew that. He just wanted to make me feel bad in front of the others. They didn't need me. Nobody did.

And damn Todomatsu. Don't think I didn't notice your pitying little side glance at Osomatsu. Todomatsu wasn't paying any attention when I said I was sick. He assumed I was being a self-centered downer.

But Osomatsu wasn't any better. He didn't give a second thought as to whether I might want to join the group at Chibita's. He cheered and went straight for the door.

Choromatsu, the bastard, actually did look back at me, fingers frozen on the doorframe. But he was too proud to say anything and was gone without a word.

I bent over to hug my knees, a pang of pain that had been building up suddenly stabbing me in the gut. _Shittymatsu_ was worse than all of them combined. Before taking his leave, he put his hand on my shoulder and, in his most agonizing character, said " _Brother, I'd be honored to stay home and take care of you if you want me to."_

Karamatsu always pulled that Good Guy shit. Any opportunity he could take advantage of, he would put himself in the spotlight and say something selfless that he didn't really mean. I had sneered and shoved him off, thankfully, and that was the end of it. But of course it was. He knew I would say no and he could strut off with a glittering suit-yourself shrug.

I opened my eyes. A beam of gold light streaming in from the window glimmered with dust particles. As if to highlight my disgust, I was overcome by a coughing fit. The ache in my abdomen burst and I twisted my spine, holding my breath. I tried to rub the pain out, but all it did was distract my nerves from it for a bit. What the hell was inside me?

I tried forcing comforting images into my mind. Cats, mostly. Cats purring in a bed. And cats playing with each other. And Jyushimatsu smiling at the sky beside me on the roof. Jyushimatsu . . .

He . . . was only trying to do the right thing when he asked if I'd be okay by myself . . . maybe he was actually concerned about my health.

And Todomatsu really didn't know how to act any other way. He had his own business to worry about.

Osomatsu? Well, he just knew better than to hound me. Anyone knew that.

And I would have hurt Choromatsu's feelings if he said anything to me. Pretended to not have heard him or something.

I really was a despicable person. Why did I make everyone else out to be bad when I was the worst all along?

I rolled my eyes. No. Karamatsu was still the worst. How low of a person did you have to be to use miserable people to make yourself into a phony hero? He wanted attention. He wanted friends. He wanted people to like him when all he was was a shitty older brother who blended in with the rest of his brothers.

I fidgeted with the drawstrings of my hood. Something felt uncomfortable, and it wasn't my stomach.

And then my stomach burst again. It felt like there was poison in there. An immense pressure stretching and hardening my gut. All I could do was curl up and knead my belly as the pain flashed. Some moments it seemed to subside, but it always came back hard. My lungs labored to breathe. So, this was how it ends.

I crawled onto the floor and knelt low, nose between my knees. It felt like what I imagined one would feel like if they downed a liter of insect killer. I had to move to escape the torture. I rolled around on the floor. I crushed pillows. I clawed at the carpet. The pressure just intensified over time, with only small breaks of partial relief. I thought I was done for when I heard the ringing, but it was just the phone. I hobbled over to it and answered.

"Ichimatsu!" It was Shittymatsu. My hand tightened on the receiver. "We just wanted to check in on you to see if you were doing okay without us."

No way. I swallowed, though my throat was dry. Did they care? No, this must have been Shittymatsu's idea, all for show. Bastard. "I'm fine, leave me alone."

"Heh." (I wanted to punch him.) "As you wish, brother. Take care-"

"Wait!" I hissed, doubling over. Was this internal bleeding? "Put– put Jyushimatsu on the phone."

The line was quiet and then, breaking my eardrums I heard, "ICHIMATSU-NIISAN! Are you okay?"

I crumpled into fetal position on the floor, grinding my teeth. "Jyushimatsu, I'm fine," I forced out, "I just– want you to come home. Can– can you do that?"

I could hear him nodding. "Yes! Stay there, nii-san!" The call ended.

I wasn't going anywhere, that was for sure.

Jyushimatsu had to hear that I was fine so the others wouldn't go with him to see me. But I felt like my stomach was going to split open any minute. This was an otherworldly level of suffering.

I staggered back to the couch and pulled on a blanket. I was involuntarily writhing and I felt like yelling.

Soon enough, my younger brother came dashing into the house and threw himself into a kneel parallel to me. "I'm home!"

I tried my best to look like I wasn't in anguish. I felt stupid all of a sudden, not knowing what to say. What _could_ I say? I was simply . . . afraid. I just wanted someone to help me bear this pain . . .

"Eh?" Jyushimatsu said, waiting for me to speak up. He was clearly worried, beyond the giant grin.

Damn it. Suddenly I wanted to apologize for dragging him away from a good time. He loved going places with his family. Before I could say anything, Jyushimatsu's eyes widened and he planted his hands on the couch.

"Let me help you, Ichimatsu."

I abruptly noticed I was screwing up my face. I opened my mouth to speak, but more pain sent me lurching forward.

Jyushimatsu tugged off my blanket. His gaze shot to my hands clutching my abdomen. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm hurting," I croaked. It was an _urgent_ pain at this point. Something needed to be done.

"What do you need, nii-san? Is it an emergency?"

Was it? It hurt like hell and I wanted to die, but it didn't feel _unfamiliar_ enough to be considered a medical emergency . . .

"It's okay," I forced out, "Just a stomach ache. I just– need to stay distracted."

With a flash of yellow, he sprung to his feet. "Oh! Watch these!" And then he made his arms wiggle like tentacles.

A fond smile flicked across my face, but it contorted when I suddenly cried out in torment. The pressure was so sharp and violent that I was afraid to move my lungs to breathe.

Jyushimatu's hands latched onto my arm. "nii-san!"

I took a few shallow breaths and the pressure let up a fraction. Jyushimatsu's grip on me followed suit, until he let go. He then sat on the end of the couch my head was facing. "You're gonna be okay, Ichimatsu."

We stayed there in silence as I swallowed the pain. He started petting my head like I was a cat. It helped. Though my eyes were squeezed shut and I was grinding my teeth, I could almost fall asleep. Jyushimatsu was surprisingly gentle and nurturing when you needed it most.

"I'm sorry you didn't get to go to Chibita's with us."

I opened my eyes. They were . . . wet? I blinked and quickly brushed my sleeve across my face. Was it the sickness that incited tears? Or the gratitude? "Ah, it's all right."

I bit my tongue. I didn't deserve such a kind brother. And he deserved to be having fun.

"I'm– I'm sorry I made you come home." I said it. A wave of relief rushed through me. "You can go back if you want, I'll be fine."

He stopped touching my head. Then he gave a tender laugh. "Not until you're better, nii-san. I want to stay right here."

I sighed. He was too caring.

My condition slowly improved as the minutes passed, my brother's fingers combing through my hair again. I could breathe and I no longer felt the need to stay curled up. It still hurt, though. The pain felt like it had been there for years . . . as if it were a part of me. At least it seemed to be fading away somewhat.

I woke with a jolt at the sound of the phone ringing again. I hadn't even realized I'd been falling asleep.

"I'll get it!" Jyushimatsu shouted. He lept from the couch and gallopped off.

"TOTTY! . . . Sorry . . . Yes! . . . Uh huh! . . . Okay! . . . See you soon!

He pranced back into the room. "They said they'll be home soon. They just wanted to know if everything was okay."

"'Kay." I rubbed my neck and sat up. They didn't need to keep checking up on me . . .

Jyushimatsu flopped onto the floor and started clapping his hands together through his sleeves, just for kicks I guess. And he laughed. With pure glee. Just clapping his hands and bouncing his feet without a worry in the world. This man was my identical sextuplet brother, and he was a virtuous soul.

"Jyushimatsu," I said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry."

He looked at my face.

 _I'm sorry I made you come back from Chibita's. I'm sorry I'm so mean to you sometimes. I'm sorry I break this family apart with the way I act. I'm sorry I never tell you how I really feel._

He understood it all. Sometimes all we had to do was look at each other and we would just know.

"It's okay, nii-san."

My stomach felt nearly healed. Everything was fine.

Then the phone rang again.

I stood up and put out my hand before Jyushimatsu could run off and answer it. "I got this one."

When I reached the phone, I hesitated, psyching myself up to hear Karamatsu's terrible voice. But there was no way those idiots would call _three times_ in such a short interval of time.

I lifted the receiver to my ear. "Hello?"

"Brother!"

 _Kill me._ Shittymatsu.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be home a bit late. The others should be arriving any minute."

"Alright," I spat. "Bye."

I hung up a little more forcefully than I meant to.

I hated him.

My stomach twisted. As I walked back to the couch, my knees weakened.

Jyushimatsu skipped up to me. "Who was it?"

I balled my hands into fists. "Karamatsu. He's gonna be late."

"How come?"  
"I don't know!" I whipped my back to him. My gut rolling with nausea, I trudged back to the couch.

Who did he think he was, telling me he was gonna be home late? As if I cared.

The room was so quiet.

"GAH!' I growled. Pain. Pain and fury. Invisible knives tearing through my intestines.

"Ichimatsu?"

Karamatsu should die. He was treating me like a child. He was acting like I needed him. Like he was doing me a favor by calling me. But he knew I hated him! Was he trying to spite me? What the hell was he trying to accomplish?

Jyushimatsu sat near me on the floor. "Are you hurting again?"

I took a few deep breaths. "I'm all right, Jyushimatsu. Thank you."

I moved to hide my face so he couldn't see me grimace. I decided to pretend to not care about the aching. I didn't care about anything.

The sound of the front door opening sent Jyushimatsu hustling away. Four distinct voices filled the house, muffled and unintelligible below me. In a way, it was refreshing and even comforting. Home suddenly felt more . . . home.

One by one, my brothers poured into the room.

"You guys know Chibita's gonna kill us if we don't pay our tab next time, right?," Choromatsu said.

"Nah, it's fine," said Osomatsu. "We all had fun so he's on our good side."

"Osomatsu-niisan, I can't believe you choked on your oden. Chibita didn't seem too flattered by that."

"I couldn't help it! Karamatsu was being too painful!"

"When is Karamatsu-niisan coming home?" Jyushimatsu asked.

"No idea," Osomatsu replied. "I can only wonder what he's up to."

"Oy," Choromatsu piped, "Ichimatsu, how are you?"

I scratched my head and sat up. "I'm– fine." The pain was severe, but I was doing a pretty good job at ignoring it.

"That's good to hear," Osomatsu said. "You really missed a good time."

"Jyushimatsu did some great jokes while he was with us," Todomatsu giggled.

I smiled faintly. _You know_ , I thought, _They're not so bad. They're idiots, but they mean well. For the most part._

They all scattered around the room and settled down somewhere. I lay back down and pulled the blanket over my head.

"Hehe, what's his problem?" Todomatsu said under his breath.

I tensed up.

"Ah, he's sick, just ignore him," said Osomatsu.

"Let's wrestle, Choromatsu-niisan!" hollered Jyushimatsu.

"NO! AH! JYUSHIMATSU!"

I clenched my jaw. They didn't give a damn. They didn't!

Todomatsu really did think I was dramatizing.

Osomatsu was open as ever to ignoring me.

Jyushimatsu forgot about me as soon as he had other brothers to play with.

And if Choromatsu really did care, he wouldn't be SCREAMING when I was trying to rest. So fucking irritating.

I held my belly and listened in annoyance to all the noise from my four brothers. Couldn't they do this in another room? The pressure inside me just built up and up and up. It got to a point where it was worse than it had ever been. I held back tears. I wanted everything to stop and I wanted to hit something with all my sick, black heart.

Soon enough, the presence of one more body tingled through the room.

"I'm back, my brothers!"

They ignored him, as usual.

"Hm!" he chuckled.

Karamatsu was unbearable. He made me hate myself just for being related to him. I wanted to beat the idiocy out of him.

The air around me stirred. "Ichimatsu, I'm here for you now. Are you feeling bet–"

I threw off my blanket and got in his face. "I DON'T NEED YOU!"

Everyone went silent.

Karamatsu backed up slowly, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not your responsibility! I can handle myself!" I shook with boiling rage and pain.

Karamatsu held up his hands. "I'm sorry, Ichimatsu, I was only trying to help."

"NO!" I stepped forward at him. "You're not trying to help! You're only thinking of yourself!"

"Please–"

"DON'T ACT LIKE THAT! YOU _KNOW_ WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

"I'm sorry! I'll leave you alone." His eyes were wide. He backed up further and turned around to leave the room.

Now everyone was looking at me. I felt their stares. I wasn't the bad guy!

Something inside me exploded.

I stormed after him. As he turned around, I grabbed his shitty jacket and shoved him against the wall.

"Wha–!?"

"BASTARD! DO YOU KNOW HOW SELFISH YOU ARE? YOU'LL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL LIKE YOU'RE WORTH SOMETHING! YOU'RE NOTHING!"

He put up his arms to shield himself. "Please! Ichimat–"

I raised a tight fist and, with all my rage, hurled it hard at his cowering face.

The force was stopped instantly. Trembling, my eyes fell to my wrist. Jyushimatsu had grabbed hold of it to stop the blow.

Disoriented and heaving, I came to my senses. I let my arm go weak in Jyushimatsu's clutch and I let go of Karamatsu. He dared not move. I collapsed on my knees on the floor. I fell forward and sobbed without any sound.

"Sh- should we give you two a minute?" Choromatsu quavered behind me.

I heard Karamatsu shift on the wall. "Yes, please."

Everyone went downstairs quietly, leaving Karamatsu and me alone.

I tried to regain my composure in my crumpled position. Karamatsu slid down the wall and took a deep breath of his own.

"Ichimatsu . . . I apologize."

I sat up, but I didn't look at him. Through the corner of my eye, I saw that even he had his head down.

I raked my hands through my hair. "Everyone ignores you." I swallowed. "Nobody ever pays attention when you do anything."

He turned his head, keeping it low. Waiting for me to get out what I wanted to say.

I sighed heavily. "Nobody gives a shit about you, but you still reach out to people. People treat you like garbage, but you don't let it destroy you. You never stop being selfless."

Was I really saying this?

I went on. "And that shows that you're worth something. Worth– a lot. I'm the one who's garbage. I'm _less_ than garbage. _I'm_ nothing." I wrung my hands. "I treat everybody like shit. I don't ever try to get attention even though I want it. You– you try all the time. But you never get it. I see what happens to you. And I just get so _frustrated_ that nobody cares about you."

My voice broke off. I gripped my hands together and hunched over again. "And that I can't tell you that _I_ care about you."

We were quiet as those words sunk in. The pain in my stomach melted away in a rush all at once.

Karamatsu exhaled shortly. He readjusted his legs. "It means a lot that you said those things. I understand now." He paused. "You're more important than you know."

My heart swelled. I looked him in the eyes.

 _I'm sorry._

He held out his forearm as if to arm-wrestle. I took his hand and we stood up together steadily.

"It's okay, brother."

We hugged briefly. I almost didn't snarl in disgust.

He chuckled. "Let's go have some fun with our family."

When we made our way downstairs, I braced myself for the pressure of judgement and shame. But Karamatsu had another thing in mind.

"I suppose you're all wondering why I stayed behind at Chibita's!"

They all eyed him warily, wondering what the hell he was doing. Then they decided to go with it.

"Yeah," Osomatsu smiled, "What was that about?"

"Yeah!" said the others.

Karamatsu puffed out his chest. "Well, Chibita has been helping me get . . . _a date!_ "

They all lost it. A prying crowd formed around our second eldest brother.

He blushed, grinning, enjoying the excitement.

Everything was going to be fine. Truthfully. For the first time in ages, I smiled.

Shittymatsu and Chibita were obviously dating.


End file.
